Today, my brother has found company up there. Chacha passed away this morning and in a way I feel happy for him. His soul is free now from the paralytic body that captured it for the past few years. It could be a co-incindence, but I always felt that after Avi’s demise he had lost the enthusiasm. He would go in my room where his picture is hung and keep looking at it for hours, sometimes talking to him too. His was a pure soul and I don't think he ever believed that his irritating nephew is not coming back.
Dealing with losses is complicated. It's not something you're used to of feeling. It's not something that will go away itself. In today's fast paced world, it's difficult to give yourself time to deal with something so huge. I became very good at concealing it so that I don’t have to talk about it or confront it. I didn’t understand how long I should be feeling all these things before I become normal. Turns out, it never happens. Losses are permanent, life goes on and accepting that is the only way out. I have been very lucky to have support of my friends and family throughout. Writing about it made things better. So many people, known-unknown reached out after reading my posts about my brother confirming it's something very normal that I'm going through.
Being the one with camera in the house has its downs too. "Send one good picture of chacha if you have", my mother texted me. Ofcourse I have pictures of everyone but I didn’t take them for this. When I got the news this morning that he passed away, I told myself no big deal it had to happen. It's actually good for him but then I started digging out photos from the folders I had dared not open since a long time, it all started to come to me, I'm going to lose everyone one by one. I hate it but it's going to happen. My family has never been the same since the cycle of losses started with my paternal uncle passing away in 2001 but with each loss we all have had, it has drawn us closer, filling in the gaps left by all who have gone. I just hope they all are in better and happier places.
Rest in peace Dr. Roshan Lal Military MBBS as he would fondly call himself. I hope you find Avi and Chhote Tayaji up there and have a ball :)